Déjà Vu
by torriian
Summary: Vicki and Ronan get back together. And what they get up to over the summer. Please, please please read and review
1. Chapter 1

Déjà Vu

Chapter 1

_Tick tock tick tock. _The pounding of the second hand on the clock ticking reminded Vicki just how important this exam actually was. Tap tap tap tap all ideas of what she had learned in her a level poetry lessons with Mr Budgens, well she said learnt but she'd learned the majority of it out of a text book. Tick tap tock tap, tick tap tock tap Vicki had quite successfully managed to get the sound of the clock ticking and her pen tapping to happen alternatively. She read the exam question again ; 'Explore the ways that Carol Ann Duffy shows her lesbian relationship in the poem Oppenhiems Cup and Saucer'. This was her least favourite poem out of the cluster. And as for Carol Ann Duffy's lesbian relationship, Vicki didn't even know she'd had one. She looked around the room and everyone else was deep in thought and writing; and the majority of them had written side after side after side. Vicki then looked back down to her paper and all that was written at the top was the title and an introductory paragraph.

After the three hours of poetry hell Vicki had endured, pleased that she had managed to write a fairly good essay. She got out and spoke to Jess. Ever since they'd both found out they were pregnant their relationship had been like a rollercoaster but now it seemed better. Now that Vicki had lost her baby it Jess seemed more willing to be friends. This was stereotypical Jess. As long as the spot light was on her Jess was happy. Vicki was quietly relieved that she had lost the baby. As sad as she'd been when she was told she wouldn't have the chance to be a mum she was relieved. Relieved that when she did have a child she would be ready. She could provide for it and give it a nice house and everything it ever wanted; opposed to the council house and benefits she would be living off if she hadn't have lost it. A blessing in disguise. That's what it was. And the fact that it was Aiden's would have made having the baby horrible. It would have been horrible having had to look at the baby and see everyday living evidence that she had cheated on Ronan with her best friend's boyfriend. Yes now she was glad.

As she walked down the corridor to meet her boyfriend, Ronan, she saw Finn. She hated seeing him so down. To her, he was like a little brother and every since Sam's death he hadn't been himself. She knew that this was to be expected but he wouldn't talk to anyone. She knew it'd always been in his nature but he'd really been able to open up to Sam and tell her everything and now it was like three quarters of his heart was gone away and would never get that bit back. He'd never loved anyone more. Not even Amy. Who he'd nearly persuaded to commit suicide with.

As she met Ronan, she was relieved to find he too had found the exam just as hard. As they were talking she saw Aiden snogging the face off another girl. It took every restraint in Vicki's body to not go over there and either slap Aiden or go and tell the girl exactly what a dirty little user he actually was.

Ronan and Vicki walked home hand in hand and then and only then did the reality hit. Vicki had finished all exams from now until uni. Uni. What daunting concept. And then there was the debt. She'd been working every day after school for the past 2 years and had managed to save up just over £3,000. Nowhere near enough; not even for one year. She'd managed to get a job in the local Sainsburys but again she knew that whatever she made from this would go straight on living costs.

But Vicki wasn't thinking about that now. No, she had 4 months of parties, days out and just generally having a laugh. Yes she had work but that was now from 9 til 3, so there were still plenty of hours left in the day. As she and Ronan met Jess, Ronan was planning another one of his underground parties with Finn. Ronan was surprised that Finn had even agreed because last time it had brought he and Sam closer together and now she wouldn't even be there. Ronan took this as why, he either wanted to forget and get on with his life or try and revisit all the good times in their life.

Ronan kissed Vicki on the cheek before meeting up with Finn and going to their top secret location. Jess walked off with Vicki in the opposite direction. Jess babbaling on about being pregnant. Vicki secretly missed it would all stop. She would never say it to her face, but Jess's constant pregnant monologue was being a bit repetitive and boring. Anyway Vicki endured it, hoping that afterwards the topic of conversation would steer away from Jess and to Vicki's delight it did. It then turned to what they would wear to Ronan and Finn's party. To Vicki this felt wrong since only this time last year had she been having the exact same conversation with Sam. Everyone had seemed to be trying to forget about her but it seemed that the 7 of them wouldn't; Vicki; Ronan; Amy; Kyle; Harry; Lauren; and Finn along with all her family would never forget her. They'd all been invited to her funeral only they didn't know if they really wanted to go. Tonight would be hard enough. Tonight would just be a constant reminder. But they had to endure it for Finn's sake.

**DISCLAIMER: i don't own any of the character, andy of the places, shops or people mentioned or the poem and i have no disrespect for Carol Ann Duffy. PLEASE REVIEW.**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

There was only two events left of the year. The two events that both Vicki waslooking forward to least. She was dreading Ronan and Finn's party. She was dreading this as she hated seeing Finn so upset. Finn had said it would be like nothing had ever happened. Like Sam had never existed he said. But Vicki wasn't stupid; she knew that this was just so he could try and relive every memory they'd ever had. Vicki knew that he'd drown his sorrows in drink and spend the whole night on his own crying or even imagining she was there. No she didn't want him to be there. As much as she knew that Finn would want to spend the whole night wallowing wouldn't help. Yet Vicki also knew that Finn loved Sam more than anything, and that he would never let her go.

As the party started everyone seemed to be having a good time and dancing but as the night went on Finn seemed to become more distant and not want to be within a 10 meter radius of anyone least of all Josh, Amy or Lauren as they too seemed to be having a personal reminder. This seemed to be how the rest of the night went on. Amy, Lauren and Josh partying and trying to forget while Finn sat drinking on the sofa that Ronan had acquired last time.

The next morning was a killer at school for all. As ninety nine percent of the students were severally hung over and the thought double assembly didn't seem much the antidote. As they sat and listened to Miss Fisher drone on about internet safety most of them were too pre-occupied in the best way to nurture the killer hangover. All but nine of them. Vicki, Ronan, Denzil, Harry, Kyle, Amy, Lauren, Josh and Finn all had other things on their mind. For all six of them knew that tomorrow they would go through hell.

Hell - a funny word. Hell what does it actually mean? Hell meaning having nothing to live for? Hell meaning that everything has reached as bad as it will ever get? Or hell a place of torment and misery? Whichever definition was the right one Finn was sure he was living in every definition of hell possible. He'd lost everything. Family, girlfriend and was on the verge of losing his friends. His parents had left for America 3 years and all he ever really got was a postcard, money and a 'surprise' visit on his birthday and at Christmas. He still lived in the big house he had when his parents still lived with him. This to Finn was good and bad. Good because it showed that they still cared but bad because the reminders of his past life were everywhere. He had three real past lives. The pre-year 10 life when he'd still lived with his family. The year 10-11 where his friends were always round and it was known as the party house. And the late year 11 until mid-year 12 life where Sam had lived with him and been his surrogate mother as well as girlfriend. But now it was horrible. It was a huge empty house full of memories that no longer existed. A house that felt more like a prison camp.

The rest of the day past slowly for the nine of them which they were all secretly glad about for they all knew what tomorrow would hold and none wanted it to happen. They had been putting off thinking about it ever since she had actually died but now there was no avoiding it. Denzil, Lauren and Finn were especially dreading it, for they were speakers in the assembly. They had all been chosen by Rose and Tom but while they had all been glad at the time they were now dreading it. However they weren't looking at it that way. They had meant too much to Sam. She had written it in her will that she wanted them to speak meaning she clearly cared. Which in a way was nice. Still this didn't stop them from dreading it.

Last period on a Thursday was traditionally a free period for all year 12 and 13 pupils and this week was no different. Lauren sat on the sofa on her own re-reading her speech for the hundredth time. Kyle, Amy and Josh were on the next sofa either having a quick nap or revising for Monday's physics quiz. Finn sat on the computer listening to the mix tape Sam had made him in the few days before she'd died and looking back through all of their memories that had been stored as pictures before she passed away on that cruel Tuesday night. Ronan and Vicki sat holding hands on the few chairs behind the computer where Finn was sat. They sat and watched him wallow and wished they could go and help but they knew whatever they say wouldn't. And then there was Harry and Denzil. Being in year 10 they had maths with Mr Chalk last. They sat next to each other and watched as Chalky drain on about Pythagoras' theorem. But neither of them were in the mood. Denzil was thinking about his sister and Harry about anything but maths.

As the end of the day bell rang, the nine of them trudged off site knowing that the next time they would all meet it would be to commemorate the death of Sam.

As they all arrived home they all laid out what they were to wear the next day, had tea and went to bed. Something that easier said than done when your mind is a million miles away. However they all eventually got to sleep knowing that the day ahead would possibly be the saddest day they would ever have encountered and would for some time. A celebration. A commemoration. A funeral. A death. Another life lost. Another battle lost to cancer. Another fading memory that wouldn't last forever.


End file.
